she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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