Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize