I'm drive I can fine osifer
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
