i just had sex bonerless
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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