be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
