I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
