who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
