dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize