my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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