It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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