so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
