did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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