I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
