Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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