I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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