Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
