i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
