dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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