My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
