Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
