I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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