Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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