I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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