She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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