Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
