I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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