i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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