I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
