me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
