i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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