its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
