I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
