I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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