Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
