She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
