C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
