Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
