How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
