what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
