i jhust puked up my retainher.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
