i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
