You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
