I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
