You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
