isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
