i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
FUCK WHALES
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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