Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
