What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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