I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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