I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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