First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
