I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.