You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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