3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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