Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this hospital has no fireball
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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