I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
