Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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