I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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