I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
