he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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