did you get engaged???
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
