I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just forgot I was standing up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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