People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
