Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
